to you

You have a penchant for appearing in the most uncalled for of places. How i'll catch a glimpse of you amongst the crowds in the city, craning my neck until you disappear around the corner, nonchalantly, with the familiar stooped gait. Or sandwiched between two bags and a wall in the lift, i'll spot the back of your head disappearing down the matthews corridor, towards the room.

It's not that I'm not over you. I questioned this when I noticed the gold-ish wedding band nestled on your finger, and my mind leapt into a time warp and we were back two years ago sitting back to back on the sand, pondering the meaning of love and fidelity and forever. Wondering what the hell you were doing out on maroubra beach at 11pm at night when you were really, according to your outbox, working on a last minute edit of a paper.

Inbetween the innocence of exchanged glances and conversations that didn't reveal too much, we'd somehow managed to pull off something perfectly logical at the time, and yet in retrospect was an episode of insanity, on one of our behalfs. I wrote more than i ever did when i was with you, and i thought it was beacuse you set me free. I thought we could go on in limbo forever.

In the end, forever lasted 10 months and i spent the next 14 trying to summon words that left my hands when you did. You picked up the pieces so fast i wondered if you'd ever been drawn in by the tide that embodied a dream. And today, when i opened your last present to me and found, scrawled in messy handwriting, words i hadn't noticed before, it all came rushing back.

So the moon still plays with our hearts, pushing and pulling along a midnight stretch of sand. I hope that next time you do appear, we can talk about the nothings and somethings of life now, and you can show me pictures of your family. Because only then will i know whether or not i've truly let it go.